Here’s something funny. My friends Megan and Alicia suckered me into joining them for Zumba classes, beginning next week. It’ll be good for me–you know, the whole “trying something new” resolution and all. But I think an honest assessment of the situation is in order:
- I haven’t done anything even slightly resembling exercise for oh, say, 10 years.
- I am severely uncoordinated. I am likely to fall and flail around throughout the entire hour-long classes. This is likely to be funny to everyone in the class–except me.
- My face turns red and hot after about 3 seconds of motion. So I’ll be red and sweaty-looking before we even begin.
- My boobs are–how can we put this delicately?–enormous. And before all you men and B-cuppers out there suggest any particular sports bras, let me assure you: they won’t work. I could wear 15 of them, to no avail. No, that’s not fair. I’ve never worn more that 3 at a single time–but that didn’t work. Maybe 4 will be my lucky number?
- Even though I get hot right away, I’m going to have to wear pants for these workouts, because I stubbornly refuse to shave my legs with any degree of consistency. This will make me hotter, but it’s the price I pay for my supreme vanity.
Classes start next Wednesday, the 18th. Here’s hoping for a miracle, kids.
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Posted by Karen on January 12, 2012 at 6:56 pm
Can you bring a video camera to set up in the corner so we can all get a good laugh?
Disclaimer: This doesn’t mean I’d be able to do it any better!
Posted by Meg on January 12, 2012 at 7:10 pm
Rach – you are underestimating yourself here – you will do great! I am terrified too, but it will be fun — good times with good friends
Love you!
Posted by Alicia on January 12, 2012 at 8:21 pm
I’ll admit…I about died laughing while reading this. HOWEVER, I will be right there with you on #2, 3, and 5. Regardless, we’ll have fun!
Posted by Leah on January 12, 2012 at 9:05 pm
I was going to do it too, but chickened out because I didn’t want to be the only uncoordinated one in the class while everyone else is dancing along to the beat. Since I know Alicia can DANCE, I thought I’d be looking like a fool. I’d be flailing around in the back row looking like an idiot. Shoot, I wish I would have known you were doing it, I would have signed up too. Somehow when I have another person just as bad as me, it wouldn’t have seemed so bad…. Are there openings still left in the class? Send me the information and maybe I’ll join you.
Posted by Leah on January 12, 2012 at 9:07 pm
And you know what’s even funnier??!?!?!? When I youtubed Zumba to see what it was all about (while I was in my decision making period of time), this is the exact video that I found that made me say “OH NO, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS CAN I DO THIS”.
Posted by kate weiss speer on January 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm
You still crack me up rach. I truly appreciate your honest assessment. I recently started back to the gym…..everyday for 30 minutes I convince myself “i can do this” while I blare my headphones to tune out anyone who might be laughing….either at my “sweet moves” or the “sporty outfit” that I refuse to buy until I prove to myself I am committed. I run among women who run 9 mph for and hour whose headphones are blared to drown out the sound of me gasping for air to jog for 4 minutes in one stretch, then walk for 5. For 30 minutes, I have to convince myself that it doesn’t matter AT ALL if people laugh and stare. I am here to better myself. the loud music helps me imagine I am the star of a dry comedy movie, like napolen dynamite. Just go with it!!! That’s what I do.
Posted by Erin Miller Ollig on January 12, 2012 at 9:30 pm
I’m going to be thinking about your boobs bouncing all night. Thanks a lot.
Posted by Brianne on January 12, 2012 at 10:00 pm
I see quasi-belly dance moves! If you can get the hang of Zumba you should have no problem getting the basics of belly dance.
Posted by Ginger on January 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm
Everyone is so self-conscious at the gym, they won’t even notice you, I guarantee it. Also, I get red faced instantly, too. I have never understood why that only happens to some people.